Community……living it out

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”
Psalm 133:1 ASV
Yesterday in church, I came to realize that the way I have done things in my life is contrary to God’s desire for us to live in community with each other. Seriously, my belief (first problem) has been that you do me wrong you know longer exist and we are done (second problem). Well, when I really think about this how does this type of attitude in measure to up with God’s plan. TRUTH: It does not!! God is love and anything less is not like him.
REACTION: Sick to my stomach.

This is something that my family and closest friends will say I needed a long time ago. Yeah, Yeah I know how I can be but they have to admit things are better. 🙂 (Thank God for grace)Why am I like this, cannot really say for sure. I could care less about what those who do not know me think. They can just keep on trucking down the road. However, for those who have been brought into my heart and treated like family to hurt me that is a different story. the little things I have pushed under the rug or just let go down the drain like soap water. So when they finally hit the wrong nerve I am done right then and there. Most would see this as extreme but I have no time to sit around and wait for it to happen again. Been there to many times and the cycle just continues. So I removed them from my circle of being.
Well Sunday’s message just beat up on me about this. I know it may not have been the nicest thing to do but when it was pointed out that this was not God like behavior I cringed. Logically, my way of handling those who did me wrong by excluding them was not God like nor did it show others God’s love through me. So here we go again time to make some serious changes.
I will never be perfect but I would like for those you meet to know they are loved and for my life to show God’s love to them. So my PRIDE must take a backseat (more like packed away in the car trunk) to God’s desires. This is going to be hard for me to do. Should you see me walking in pain or stress on my face, just realize God pointed out something else that I have to change. He knows I HATE CHANGE. The STATUS QUO works just fine for me but not for him. He knows I am screaming.

Lesson: God desires for us to live in community with each other and that is only accomplished by our interacting with each other. Issues will arise but put your big girl/boy pants on and suck it up, solve it and continue to live in community with those around you.

Feeling the pull

One of my biggest disappointments is knowing that God has a plan for my life and I have gotten in the way of that happening. Before you think that is not possible let me explain. See God is all about change and being uncomfortable. Fran is all about routine, order, and the familiar. Nothing about me says change is acceptable. LOL

Problem is God and myself are on two different ends of the spectrum and he has been gently pulling me. Well apparently he got fed up over the last few years and made me swallow a huge suck it up and get with it pill. LOL There have been things I have done that given the choice, I would have found someone else to do it. I have enjoyed everything I have done and without the people God placed in my life to pull me out none of it would have happened. They have been used to pull me out of my comfort zone. I have come to realize a few of them really like it. I don’t protest too much because I know deep down it is part of a bigger plan.

I have resolved myself to go and do whatever it is God has for me. There are things that more than likely would have materialized years ago had I been willing to accept change. Something I heard years ago that has stuck with me is – If you are not ready to move one what God has for you, he will find someone else who is willing to move. I have known that God has a plan for my life but have always been unwilling to just jump in. Now I am going to have to leave my comfort zone and press into what God has for me. (Huge Sigh) For me this will be uncomfortable and make me want to scream like a two-year old. However, the reward on the other side is going to be more than I could imagine. Know that is why I am pressing in and following God’s lead.

Discipline

I lack discipline in a lot of areas of my life. Until recently I did not give much thought to the amount of or lack of discipline in my life. While trying to tackle some challenges in my life, it dawned on me that my lack of discipline was my biggest challenge.

Look at this way —

My weight keeps climbing because I lack the discipline to stick with an exercise program. I know I must have someone to push me. Otherwise, the exercise happens only in my mind. My health is suffering for the same reasons. See I hate taking medicines daily and many times forget to take my meds for days. LOL The funny thing is if I got myself in shape the meds would not be necessary. Forming new habits is difficult cause even after two weeks, the new habit does not become routine. There is more that I could go on with but I will stop there.

Again here I am getting in my way. I have always traveled the safe uneventful road in life. Yes my life is the boring movie that you watch trying to figure out what idiot made this movie. Before the year is out I am going to turn at least one of these areas around. Maybe I can stick with something more than a few days or weeks before I store it safely away.

Trust getting in the way

There are various meanings for the word trust depending on whether you are using it as a noun or a verb. Regardless of how you use this word, something is required of you. Just like love , trust is a choice you make. There are those who may disagree with me and that is cool. However, for me I have allowed my level of trust to be depleted to the point that relationships are difficult. LOL This is no one person’s fault cause the only common denominator in everything is me. I have made the decision that extending trust to enter or keep up a relationship is pointless. The crazy things is that I would love to be in a relationship with a well ground man – not saying individual so no one gets this twisted. LOL
The past failures in my life have apparently left bruises which have healed but the reminder of the pain remains. Whether a conscious decision or not I choose to avoid getting caught up in a relationship too deep. My excuse is I don’t have the patience to deal with mess anymore. This is a VERY, VERY true statement. I could not see myself dealing with any of the mess I dealt with in – OPPS almost told my age- the past. I have to shake my head and wonder – what was my problem to have dealt with that mess for so long. The thing is I made two choices in my past. One was to love unconditionally and completely. The second was to trust that I would receive back in equal measure what I gave. ROFL Both of these required something of me and in the end I was proven wrong.
In time I learned to love with a reserve. My family gets 100% and then some but everyone else there is a very cautious measure of love given. My heart can only take so much abuse and I love me so abuse is out of the question. Those I truly care for I love unconditionally and nothing will change that – especially when it comes to my family. Then there is how I have chosen to allow the trust factor to affect my ability to enter a relationship. Honestly, when view my track record my choices have been less than stellar. I realize that I lack the trust in myself to choose or be comfortable in choosing someone to build a relationship with. I am very guarded with my feelings. This could make anyone else extremely stressful but it is very relaxing to me actually – lonely yes. My inability to have confidence in the choices I will make has led to my avoiding making any choice.
Life is about taking chances and learning from ones mistakes. For me some of those lessons were hard and I have no wish to repeat them again. Relationships are about given your heart to someone else and trusting they will take care of it. Presently, I do not have that level of trust in me. It’s a hard thing to say but I know it is me. The wall I have built around trust seems too thick, tall and wide for me to even break through – and I built it. The stuff I do to me.
Being willing to place trust in another person allows you to love them in the end. First, I have to be willing to trust.

To be continued…

Time to FLY

An exciting thing happened yesterday; my daughter told me she is getting an apartment. WOW!! The excitement and sadness hit me all at once. There is huge excitement that she will be moving on with her life and beating out her own path. I knew this day was coming for a while and that she is ready to begin this exciting chapter in her life. On the other hand, the sadness hit when I realized I would be alone. LOL

Since I became a mother I have never been home alone. My children have always been with me. Now that they are all young adults, my life must change to accommodate their new roles. Are they making that happen fast or what!??! This is a major adjustment for me because how do you turn off being mom. Hmmm……. I guess I sit quietly with all the mom thoughts and ideas rolling around in my head.

The next couple of weeks I will enjoy having my daughter with me and watching her prepare to move. There will be no sadness shown to her only the extreme joy I feel for her right now. She is taking on some major responsibility but I know she will handle it very well. She is a responsible and intelligent young woman with the world at her finger tips.

Now the nest is empty. Guess this means I should look into another part-time job so I have some social interaction. LOL

Who are you fooling

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
Matthew 7:26

There are times in life when I have desired in my heart to do some many good and wonderful things. Only to find some reason to leave uncompleted what I whole heartedly intended on doing. There are a myriad of reasons for this happening. I allowed other things to change my focus, slacked off and just let it sit undone, or the best of all I did not set a plan for completion.

This lack of a plan leaves me open to anything happening along the way. Ultimately, nothing is completed or started and I look around and see that something is missing. There is always something required of me (us) in life. Whether it is from an employer, parents, children, or God, we are all required to do something at various moments in life. How great things would be for me if I could just remember to do those things that matter first and complete each of them.

I have come to realize that great ideas can come to me but I am required to act on them for them to become great actions. There is not an idea around that achieved itself. Someone had to put in the work to cultivate the idea into a successful project, business, book or whatever the final product.

The time has come to build on a solid foundation the things that God has place in my heart. The biggest challenge in this process is going to be me. Will I stay focused and see it to the end? Will I keep up my drive to succeed? Will I allow anything to distract me from meeting the mark? Am I willing to hold myself accountable for my actions?

Hmmmm, this will not be easy by any stretch of the imagination. I know there are things I must do to reach the next level. No one is fooled by the lack of productive outcomes in our lives – least of all God. For him to show up BIG, I must do what is required of me.

Define yourself

There are times when you realize that life is an ocean.  It touches many shores but the true mysteries are still waiting to be discovered.  For years I have lived on the fringe of life.  I resisted taking chances because I had others counting on me and taking risk would be us all at risk.  This mentality has stayed with me till today.  The excuse now is not others but what will happen to me if I take a risk. LOL

A while back I had the following status statement on Facebook – “It’s Time to get R.E.A.L…..Reject Excuses and Lies.”  The weeks following posting this statement I realized that for a long time I have lived off of excuses and lies.  Excuses of why I could not do something or go somewhere or become something.  Lies related to what I believed and who I am, others opinion of me, and any number of things.  These things are the stumbling blocks for doubt that the devil places in our way to keep us in isolation.  Over the last few months, I have slowly been  moving ahead to a new place in my life.

There have been things and people I have had to let walk away.  Those things hurt but were truly necessary for all concerned.  I am far from being perfect by any means.  I strive to treat people with the love and respect I want to receive.  This can open the door to being taken advantage of a lot in many ways.  By getting R.E.A.L with myself, I see better what things are worth letting go and what I should hold on to. 

There are parts to being R.E.A.L. that I am focusing on right now.  Complaining is the biggest one to defeat.  I read in the book “The Success Principles” – every complaint is something you can change in your life. If you are not willing to work and make the necessary changes then STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT………..If you are going to work to change it STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT……..If you cannot do anything to change the situation STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT. (Paraphrased a bit my me) Basically, I am in control of what I happens to me.  Complaints are whines or excuses for not getting something done.  I have  make changes and in changing that removes any need to complain about the circumstances.  My outlook has changed as a result of this. We can always find something to complain about daily.  Think for a moment how much better your day would me if you refused to complain.  Granted there are days when things will not go exactly like you hope but your outlook on it affects how others and you see the situation.  Slowly things will start to change for you.  You become your cheerleader on so many levels.

The excuses come from all angles not matter what you want to do.  However, I have had to remember that when seeking advance on things not to gravitate toward those that give me the answer I am looking for or listen to those that knock down my ideas but to discern the balance between the two.  I suppose wisdom is the defense to excuses.  I am leaning on the wisdom of God now to lead me in the direction he desires for me. 

As I mentioned at the beginning lies come at us from all angles.  Lies spoken to and over  us can take root on the inside and cause so much damage to our self-esteem.  The reason I say this is because you always remember the bad things (lies) that someone says about you.  Those things stay with us for a lifetime if we are not careful.  Holding on the lies others have told you or that you accept as true will rip your world apart.  You begin to feel that you are not worthy of anything.   The truth is we are all worthy of so very much from our Heavenly Father.  He loves us more than anything.

That said I am going to take on the deep waters of my life and find out exactly what God has planned for me.  I am bare of all that has held me back and ready for a serious encounter with God.

Little Stars

I have gone stumping and screaming into the last eight months with Rock Stars.  The truth is I would not change any of it.  Yes, I am exhausted to no end at times but when I think of leaving those little ones.  My heart breaks and I continue to press on.  Most people will say that is my nature but I am not sure – maybe it is.  During the last eight months, my heart has been continually blessed by these Little Stars.  They are focused on learning – sometimes more than others but they are learning about our savior none the less.  They amaze you with the things they say and do.  This is the age (4-5) when they are still precious and wonderful before those attitudes kick in. LOL  I love watching them progress while in our class (Dot and myself).   My highlight is seeing them each week and getting to love on them for almost 2 hours.   My goal is that they each leave our class knowing they are loved.  Even for children it makes a difference to hear someone say “I love you.”

Hello world!

This is going to be a interesting.   I will start my first every attempt at blogging.  Give me a bit to get things setup but the fun will start soon.